Hiya Cakies! This morning we have a really fun and different post to share with you. It’s something that is hugely important to the whole “getting married” thing, but since no one produces beautiful photo shoots about your actual relationship, we don’t often post about this particular topic. We’ve asked our dear friend and relationship specialist, Jaimi Brooks (formerly of Fiore Beauty), to share her top eleven convos you should have with your betrothed before you say I Do. We’re so pumped to have her here today as our group therapist, and we hope you love reading her tips too.
Being engaged is really special time. It’s such a short time that you get to call your love your fiancé. It’s a time of planning, a million decisions, and anticipating what the next phase of your life will look like. While there’s so much good and excitement during this time, any change, however good, is stressful. And taking a leap of faith and saying “I Do” for a lifetime is a huge, really big deal.
While you try to get your head around committing to a new version of life, you’re also planning a wedding, attempting to include and please your loved ones, and spending a ton of money. This is A LOT. It’s so easy to fill your engagement with being celebrated, family chaos, and wedding decisions while forgetting that there’s a whole marriage, your marriage, which starts at that party. I’m all for giving special attention to all the loving details that go in to a wedding….a perfect dress, special flowers, clever favors…but it’s so important to take care of your relationship as well and do what you can to prepare for a long, strong, and happy marriage.
To help you check in with your main-squeeze-soon-to-be-spouse and get in a little marriage-prep, I’ve included 11 important topics to talk about while you’re engaged. Try to resist the idea that you already know the full scope of your partner’s thoughts and feeling on each of these things, you’ll be surprised. Maybe make a little weekly ritual of it and tackle a topic a week. Lastly, give yourselves a little extra time and understanding to let whatever comes up in these conversations soak in and find its place. Trust me, having these conversations before you’re married is eons easier and less intense. Marriage brings up complicated feelings that are totally expected and this is where the intimacy and good stuff of being married comes in.
*These are intended for you both to answer.*
1. MARRIAGE CHANGES – How will you expect your partner to be different after your wedding day? Will you have different expectations of your relationship? What will it mean to be a Mrs./Mr.? Will your expectations of yourself change?
2. FAMILY OF ORIGIN – What role will your family of origin play in your relationship? How can your partner make you feel supported and honored in context of their family and siblings? What happens when what your family needs is at odds with what your spouse needs?
3. KIDS – Do you want kids? How many? ASAP or in the next 10 years? If you guys struggle with infertility what would you do? Would fertility treatments or adoption be on the table in order to have kids? How will you raise your kids? Private or public school? Religious? What makes someone a good parent?
4. MONOGAMY – What does it mean to be “faithful”? Does that mean no sex with other people? No porn? No falling in love with someone else? Is flirting allowed?
5. SECRETS – Is there anything you haven’t told me but would like to? Is there anything that’s burdened you that you don’t want to take in to the marriage? * This may feel like the scariest thing ever but it’s so much better to get anything lurking in dark corners right on out. Loving your partner or giving them the chance to love you, the whole you warts and all, is incredibly intimate, loving, and romantic.*
6. MONEY – How will money work once you’re married? Will you keep your resources separate or pool it? How much debt does each of you have? Does your debt become combined debt once married or stay as your separate responsibilities? What did you like and not like about how your parents dealt with money?
7. WORK – What role should work play in your life? Will you both always work? How will you create a work/life balance that nurtures your relationship? Are there any circumstances where you’d like to not work? What scenario would make not working okay with the other?
8. SEX – Are you happy with your sex life? How often is ideal? Is there something either of you would like to be a part of sex that currently isn’t? Do you need more or less of something?
9. LOVE LANGUAGE – What is your love language? What is your partner’s?
*I can’t recommend enough for you both to read or listen to The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. It gives a whole new understanding to the many ways we love and want to be love so you can understand what makes you feel loved and what makes your partner feel loved. It’s relationship changing!*
10. STRENGTHS – Aside from love, what things make you compatible and a good fit? Why did you pick each other?
11. FUTURE – What do you think your marriage will look like in 5 years? Where will you be living? What do you imagine you’ll be doing? What will be different and what do you imagine will be the same?
This is all a handful to talk about but such good things will come from it. You’ll go into your life together being closer and understanding what each other needs to make it the best decision of your lives.
Inquire for next start date of Jaimi’s Premarital Prep group on her website.