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Dear ESB: My MOH can’t make the wedding

October 21, 2011

Ughh. Sometimes planning a wedding isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, know what we’re saying? This is a really crappy situation, but you know, that’s what the wonderful world of wedding blogs is for! To get straight advice from our favorite advice-giver… East Side Bride.

Maybe some of you have been faced with a similar situation, and maybe this will make you feel better too.

Dear East Side Bride,

I need a maid of honor for my wedding. I am an only child and an only grandchild if that shows how tiny my family is. My FH has three brothers, two older and one younger. His #2 brother has a wife. Because I didn’t want a big wedding party and neither did he, FH chose his childhood friend to be his best man. His brothers are groomsmen. I chose a childhood friend as well and made the SIL the general VIP (complete with her own flowers).

My childhood friend now cannot attend the wedding, let alone be in it. It’s not her fault, it’s her work. I completely understand, but I’m left hanging. I have many friends, but no other close friend who “fits” what I imagine in a MOH – no one who has known me for a long time, who is still close to me and can 100% come. The others who have known me for a long time haven’t been close to me for years, the ones who are close to me literally just came into my life in the past year or so, and the ones who can 100% come are in the latter group of very new friends. Plus, I’m now gun-shy about asking anyone who has to travel as we’re getting married on January 7 and you never know when an ice storm can hit – it happened last year). I don’t want to really be left with no one.

I sort of knew this was inevitable and I’m really sad. I’m used to being on my own. I’ve traveled through six countries alone. I’ve done multiple degrees alone. I’ve moved to two different states alone. I am very excited to get married and not be alone. But, through no fault of her own, MOH has confirmed my worse fears – that I’ll be “alone” up at the front of that chapel.

Sure, I am marrying the man of my dreams. I love his family dearly, but they are his family and my future rather than my family or my past.

I think I need to just go ahead and ask my future SIL. She’s a great person, but we’re very different types of people and sometimes she makes me uncomfortable, mainly because I’m a sensitive snowflake. I know that she will do her best and that she’d be honored. It does solve her awkward previous role and I don’t think she’d hold it against me that I asked someone else first.

So how do I get over my sadness at the symbolism of being on my own at this last and most important occasion?

The Lonely Only


When I sent your question to Kristina, she said “srsly, shouldn’t her oldest friend just suck it up and COME?” Which, yes. But if she can’t make it a priority to be there, she’s not Maid of Honor material.

It is written nowhere that your MOH has to have known you forever. ASK ONE OF YOUR NEW FRIENDS.

You need an ally to giggle with (and complain to about your mother-in-law). It doesn’t have to be so loaded, lady.

Photo by Lissy Elle