25 Apr

Dear ESB: Should I be IN LOVE with my dress?

categories Wedding Etiquette, Wedding Wardrobe

Oop, look who’s stopping by today! It’s our favorite wedding etiquette expert, Ms. East Side Bride. We’re betting that every lady shopping for her white dress has asked herself this same question.

Dear ESB,

I live in Brooklyn, NY. I am 30 years old and getting married in Sept of this year. I work in a fashion-related field and I like to think I have good sense of personal style. However, the past few months I have been in wedding-dress-shopping-hell. I just have NOT enjoyed the process. Mainly because most dresses at bridal shops I find to be really cheesy (strapless, puffy skirts, etc) and they made me feel like I was wearing a costume. Nothing felt right. 

Then, recently I found a dress at Saks in their evening wear dept. that I liked. It is not a wedding dress, but it can easily pass for one. It was the first dress I tried on that felt…good. It wasn’t an amazing “I’m so freaking psyched this is IT” kind of moment, but it was good. Plus, it was affordable. (Under 1K) After trying on so many dresses that were horrible and expensive, I was really happy to feel “good” in something at last. I bought the dress off the rack.

I know this is not a huge problem, and I am not complaining I swear. I am marrying my best friend whom I love immensely, and I would be ecstatic about doing so in a potato sack for what it’s worth. But I am curious what other girls out there have experienced? 

Is there supposed to be some moment where you fall in love with your dress, or have other people just felt “alright” like I do? What was your experience when you picked out your dress, ESB?

*****

I’ve gotten this question several times over the past couple of years. You’re not the only bride feeling ambivalent about her dress, or wondering, “How do I know if it’s THE ONE?”

I tried on — and bought — a grand total of two dresses.

The first one was a sample I plucked off the rack when I was shopping for a bridesmaids dress for my best friend’s wedding. I was secretly engaged, this friend was the only one who knew, and when I put the damn thing on I think I was just so excited to see myself as a BRIDE that I bought it even though it wasn’t me at all.

For a whole year I told myself I was going to wear that stupid dress. I bought two pairs of shoes and a pair of earrings (and maybe even a shrug?) to go with it, desperately trying to make it work. And then three months before the wedding I panicked and went into a teensy little hole-in-the-wall boutique in my neighborhood and tried on this other, crazy amazing dress.

Did I FALL IN LOVE with it? I don’t know. But I know I felt good in it. I felt like me.

If you feel good in your dress, you’re doing A-Okay.

And: I hereby give you permission to buy a second dress if you change your mind.

Photo: James Macari for Vogue ESP

63 comments

27 Jan

Dear ESB: Can I tell my cousin-to-be to CHOOSE ANOTHER DATE?

categories Wedding Etiquette

Eeek. Sticky situation, best handled by our resident drama/etiquette expert East Side Bride.

Dear ESB,

I’ve been engaged for about a year. We set a date about, I think, 8 or so months ago and have been saving every penny to pay for our wedding. To our delight, every dating couple in my fiance’s family seemed to hurriedly up their marital plans during the time of our engagement. I know that it’s not “all about us,” and have happily bought plane tickets, shower gifts, wedding gifts, bridesmaids dresses, shoes, alterations, and, to the best of my ability, been happy and excited for them.

My question is this…. 

A close cousin to the groom got engaged to his short-term gf immediately after one of the siblings’ weddings. After a few jokes were made about actually taking our wedding date, she chose to have her wedding the weekend before. 

The cousin spoke to my in-laws asking them if we minded (they said that it sounded like an inconsiderate idea), and then the cousin called us. Their reasons were that the bride wants a fall wedding, doesn’t want to be associated with Halloween, and wants to go to home football games. We politely asked them to chose any other date. 

A month later the cousin called again asking if we minded. More forcefully, we urged him not to pick the date. The cousin knows he’s stepping on toes, but when he tells the bride she “cries as if I told her her dog died.” I’d like to talk directly to the bride, but she won’t call us back.  

Am I being a bridezilla?  What would you do in this situation?  

Thanks,
Tired of his family

*****

You said your piece. Now you have to STFU.

Betcha the bride will cry even harder when family members who received your save-the-date first decline the invitation to her wedding.

(Photo by Emma Summerton for W Magazine via Fashion Gone Rogue.)

32 comments

13 Jan

Dear ESB: Can I get married in my sister’s dress?

categories Wedding Etiquette, Wedding Wardrobe

Oh hello, East Side Bride! We’ve missed you! We’re thrilled to have her back with a question about “THE DRESS”.

Dear ESB,

What are you thoughts on wearing my sister’s wedding dress to my wedding?

I absolutely love hers, and it fits perfectly. My mom wore her sister’s (mainly because she was broke as a joke), and I like that slight tradition, but will people think, “wtf?” or “her sister looked better”?

*****

Do you look like your sister?

Even if the dress is really great — ESPECIALLY IF THE DRESS IS REALLY GREAT — I’m afraid everyone will get weird flashbacks to her wedding in the middle of yours, which, you don’t want that, do you??

Photo by September Pictures. (The amazeballs ruff dress was found at a vintage trunk show, then altered.)

65 comments

22 Nov

Dear ESB: Is it okay to UN-invite people?

categories Wedding Etiquette

Ack, this is not a good situation to be in, is it? Apparently it’s a common dilemma though. Sometimes when the reality of your wedding sets in, you change your mind. And you know what? That’s okay. Let’s see what East Side Bride says.

ESB,

We’ve run into an issue on the guest list… 

When we initially began planning we were going to have a large wedding (we both have huge families), we got all the addresses, told people they were invited, yada yada yada. Fast forward to now and we’re thinking we’d rather go light on the wedding and spend more on the honeymoon. We’d like to cut the guest list by at least two thirds, but we’re afraid of hurt feelings.

Should we suck it up and invite the people we said we were going to invite, or could we politely explain to them that we’ve changed direction and we’re having a small, intimate ceremony?

*****

Mkay. I answered this question once before, but I think I sort of muffed it.

There’s no shame in downsizing your wedding (provided that people haven’t already bought plane tickets, booked hotel rooms, etc). But you do owe a personal phone call/explanation to everyone you are un-inviting.

Note: Be sure to focus on the “small, intimate ceremony” bit. No need to tell em, YAY NOW WE CAN SPEND MORE $$ ON THE HONEYMOON!!

Photo by Gabor Jurina

28 comments

3 Nov

Dear ESB: Can I skip my own reception?

categories Wedding Etiquette

Good Thursday morning to you, Cakelets! We have East Side Bride here today answering the question… do you HAVE to stick to the expected format for your wedding?

HEY ESB!

Is it weird to not want a reception?
I want a big and fun rehearsal dinner,
a beautiful ceremony, and then to just run out the door and into the car!
Maybe a party after the honeymoon, i don’t know.

****

1. The reception is not just for you. It’s for all the people who set aside vacation days, booked expensive plane tickets + hotel rooms, drove and flew and ferried and put on their finest finery in order to see you get married. THEY WANT TO CELEBRATE WITH YOU.

b. You might change your mind after that beautiful ceremony. It’s pretty fun to hang out with everyone and go, “Hey, we did this thing!”

Photo: Will Davidson, Fashion Editor: Stevie Dance, Model: Cassi Van Den Dungen for Russh Magazine

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14 comments