Dear ESB: How do I tell him he’s not invited?
Ah the guest list. It’s just one of those things you can’t avoid, unfortunately. And it’s touchy, isn’t it? Here’s an interesting situation from East Side Bride that many of you have probably been in. The assumed invitation. Eek.
I have a co-worker/sort-of friend that keeps mentioning how excited he is for my wedding (which isn’t until next year!). We went to school together, had a few mutual friends and now work in the same building. He thinks we’re better friends than we are because I am a nice person and have helped him out with some life-things in the past. He’s a good guy, but I had no intentions of inviting him to the wedding. He’s just assumed, so far, that he is.
How do I tell him that “dude, we just got engaged THREE WEEKS AGO and the wedding isn’t until NEXT YEAR and while I want you to be a happy person and live a good life so I will sometimes help you out and stuff, I only want awesome people that I love and cherish to celebrate with me. and while you’re cool and all, you’re not invited to my wedding, so please stop assuming that you are. it’s making me uncomfortable.” without coming off (and feeling) like an insensitive ass?
Because, as we all know, when you assume… you make an asshole out of you and me.
Be kind. Don’t say, “NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU INVITED TO MY WEDDING.”
Rather, suggest in a low, gentle tone, “[Insert A*hole’s Name Here], I think the wedding’s gonna be pretty small. We haven’t even talked about the guest list.”
Photo by Bruce Weber for Vogue Paris 2007 via Kathryn Grady.