100 Layer Cake

22 Feb

How to choose a wedding photographer + book giveaway!

categories Giveaway + Contest, Wedding Etiquette

how to choose a wedding photographer

It’s always such a please to announce when something so great as releasing a first book, has happened to a dear friend. Alison Hotchkiss, Creative Director behind the design-savvy gang that makes up Alison Events just released a new book, All the Essentials Wedding Planner: The Ultimate Tool for Organizing Your Big Day. Since it’s packed with a ton of helpful info (that you totally need to get your hands on), we thought it’d be fun for Alison to share some helpful tips on how to choose a wedding photographer – something all you newly engaged folks can definitely benefit from. Alison planned Jillian’s wedding five years ago and did an amazing job, so trust us, she’s an expert at every to-do list there is when it comes to wedding planning!

All the Essentials Wedding Planner by Alison Hotchkiss

From Alison:

Picking a photographer can be a tricky task. Unlike most things on your list of to-do’s, selecting a photographer requires much faith. It’s not like selecting a menu or a cake designer where you can rely on your senses to carry you through. Picking the right person requires a lot of research because let’s face it, you won’t know what you’re going to get until you see the final product.

First start by asking yourself a couple questions. What do you want out of the day? Do you want someone who will shoot more in a documentary style, capturing moments as they happen? Is it going to be more important to you that photographer gets a shot of your family in a portrait setting or that he/she snaps that magical moment when the two of you first lock eyes in a particular light? Depending on how you answer these questions, you’ll probably come up with a style of photography you want for your special day.

Next, budget. Now that you have a style in mind, you can do your research and see who fits the bill. Compare packages and see what’s included. Does the photographer come with a second shooter? How many hours does it include and what are the fees for any extras? We always suggest doing an engagement shoot especially if one or both of you isn’t particularly comfortable in front of the camera. This is always a great opportunity to test-drive your purchase and make sure you vibe with your photographer. Also consider how long it takes for you to get your prints or digital copies back; if this is a hassle for the engagement shoot, they might not be the right choice. You always want to know the post production details. Can you get prints or albums made on your own or will you need to buy the rights? Pay very close attention to the contract terms relating to post productions and retaining of rights.

how-to choose a wedding photographer

Lastly, make sure you pick someone you want to spend the day with! They will be recording your every move on one of the most important days of your life. Ask your planner for recommendations and/or feedback on photographers they’ve used in the past. Personally I find myself attracted to naturally free flowing, documentary style photography. You want to capture the day as uninterrupted as possible.Elizabeth Messina, Jose Villa, Thayer Allyson Gowdy, Mel Barlow all do such a beautiful job of capturing those beautiful moments as they happen. They are also predominantly shoot in film which makes for that dreamy finish but is best for outdoor venues with lots of natural light.

how-to choose a wedding photographer

Digital has a great deal of versatility and allows for a wider range of shots, they also tend to be friendlier on the budget stand point. If your wedding is taking place primarily indoors, you’ll probably want someone who shoots mostly digital. Cooper Carras, Lovebird photography, Jesse Leake, and Leo Patrone are some of the best that we work with that can really connect with couples and pull off amazing shots.

xo, Alison

*Now for the book giveaway! To enter, sign up with the form below. Entries must be posted by Monday, February 25th at 6 p.m. PST, and one winner will be chosen at random.*

Best of luck, and a huge thank you to Alison for sharing these tips. We love her to pieces, and to add to the congratulatory news, she also got engaged over Valentine’s Day!

Congrats Zoe Pye the winner of our giveaway!

23 Oct

Dear ESB: I know you’re sick of the guest list question… but here I go.

categories Wedding Etiquette

But does anyone really tire of the guest list question? It’s something that seems to haunt even the most well organized bride-to-be. East Side Bride shares her take…

OK–i know what I need to do, just not sure how to go about it.

In brief: at my old job I was close with a group of four girls. We were pretty tight at work and though I liked them very much we never became friends in real-life (the four of them, though, are very close and hang out all the time). I left the company four years ago so we meet once or twice a year for drinks and/or lunch. We email here and there. I still do like them very much. Two were married in the past year and I was shocked when they invited me. I went to one but not the other (it was across the country).

OK. Now I am engaged and am not planning to invite any of them. It’s not a numbers thing (though 8 less heads is a lot of saved money). I just feel like we are friends of circumstance, not of choice. AGAIN–I like them. But I like a lot of people in my life who aren’t invited to the wedding. My plan was just to avoid them the next 5 months and not address the situation. Have the wedding come and go. If they brought it up tell them we had a strict headcount. Call me a coward–I can’t deny it.

BUT THEN … one of them got a job at my new company IN MY DEPARTMENT. I still don’t want to invite them but now I feel like I have to address it head on since I will be seeing her every day, all day and the wedding will inevitably come up.

Question 1 –am I correct to think I owe them an explanation?

Question 2–if I do owe them an explanation, how honest should I be? What do I say?

One more thing to consider: I AM inviting two friends from my current job who I have become very close with. I hate the idea of ranking my friendships but that’s just how it is, isn’t it?

Sincerely,
You should invite who you want to invite without feeling guilty about it.

(I KNOW, this is easier said than done).

*****

Yes, you should invite who you want to invite (and nobody you don’t) without feeling guilty about it.

YES

But. Avoiding the issue will make you feel guilty. And think of how these ladies feel! They don’t know if they’re invited… They don’t know if it’s okay to broach the subject… And they might be dying to talk wedding and be supportive and admire your ring (or whatever) even if there’s no invitation forthcoming.

Under no circumstances should you tell them the whole truth. There is no reason to say, “I’m not friends with you by choice.”

When the opportunity arises, say to the semi-friend now in your department: “We have a really strict headcount….” Or: “We’re trying to keep it intimate….” And: “We can’t invite you and X and Y and Z.”

Be frank and friendly and unapologetic. You’ll all feel better.

Photo of Elle Fanning via designlovefest via Mary Rose

25 Jul

Dear ESB: How long do I wait for my BFF to get her sh*t together?

categories Wedding Etiquette

Leave it to Ms. East Side Bride to set matters straight. Especially when this happens between you and your BFF that just so happens to be planning her wedding right alongside yours. We’re siding with ESB on this one… you?

Dear ESB,

My best friend got engaged 6 weeks before I did.

I feel that since she got engaged first, she should have first dibs on a date. She has selected May 11th, 2013. But she doesn’t have a location, much less a guest list.

She is somewhat of a procrastinator and now that I have my wedding location locked down, I’d like to lock down a date. I was planning on getting married the last weekend in March or the first weekend of April.

How far apart do I need to space the weddings? I want to make sure that her or my honeymoon doesn’t overlap with the pre-wedding festivities, like the bridal shower, bachelorette, etc.

Waiting in Vain

*****

Obvs, your friend can’t lock down her date until she locks down a LOCATION. And she can’t lock down a location until she knows how many people she’s inviting.

She could fall in love with some crazy venue that doesn’t have availability until August! Or she could procrastinate her little heart out and postpone the wedding a whole year.

I say book the date you want before you lose your effing mind.

Photo: Ruche Fall via This Modern Romance

25 Apr

Dear ESB: Should I be IN LOVE with my dress?

categories Wedding Etiquette, Wedding Wardrobe

Oop, look who’s stopping by today! It’s our favorite wedding etiquette expert, Ms. East Side Bride. We’re betting that every lady shopping for her white dress has asked herself this same question.

Dear ESB,

I live in Brooklyn, NY. I am 30 years old and getting married in Sept of this year. I work in a fashion-related field and I like to think I have good sense of personal style. However, the past few months I have been in wedding-dress-shopping-hell. I just have NOT enjoyed the process. Mainly because most dresses at bridal shops I find to be really cheesy (strapless, puffy skirts, etc) and they made me feel like I was wearing a costume. Nothing felt right.

Then, recently I found a dress at Saks in their evening wear dept. that I liked. It is not a wedding dress, but it can easily pass for one. It was the first dress I tried on that felt…good. It wasn’t an amazing “I’m so freaking psyched this is IT” kind of moment, but it was good. Plus, it was affordable. (Under 1K) After trying on so many dresses that were horrible and expensive, I was really happy to feel “good” in something at last. I bought the dress off the rack.

I know this is not a huge problem, and I am not complaining I swear. I am marrying my best friend whom I love immensely, and I would be ecstatic about doing so in a potato sack for what it’s worth. But I am curious what other girls out there have experienced?

Is there supposed to be some moment where you fall in love with your dress, or have other people just felt “alright” like I do? What was your experience when you picked out your dress, ESB?

*****

I’ve gotten this question several times over the past couple of years. You’re not the only bride feeling ambivalent about her dress, or wondering, “How do I know if it’s THE ONE?”

I tried on — and bought — a grand total of two dresses.

The first one was a sample I plucked off the rack when I was shopping for a bridesmaids dress for my best friend’s wedding. I was secretly engaged, this friend was the only one who knew, and when I put the damn thing on I think I was just so excited to see myself as a BRIDE that I bought it even though it wasn’t me at all.

For a whole year I told myself I was going to wear that stupid dress. I bought two pairs of shoes and a pair of earrings (and maybe even a shrug?) to go with it, desperately trying to make it work. And then three months before the wedding I panicked and went into a teensy little hole-in-the-wall boutique in my neighborhood and tried on this other, crazy amazing dress.

Did I FALL IN LOVE with it? I don’t know. But I know I felt good in it. I felt like me.

If you feel good in your dress, you’re doing A-Okay.

And: I hereby give you permission to buy a second dress if you change your mind.

Photo: James Macari for Vogue ESP

27 Jan

Dear ESB: Can I tell my cousin-to-be to CHOOSE ANOTHER DATE?

categories Wedding Etiquette

Eeek. Sticky situation, best handled by our resident drama/etiquette expert East Side Bride.

Dear ESB,

I’ve been engaged for about a year. We set a date about, I think, 8 or so months ago and have been saving every penny to pay for our wedding. To our delight, every dating couple in my fiance’s family seemed to hurriedly up their marital plans during the time of our engagement. I know that it’s not “all about us,” and have happily bought plane tickets, shower gifts, wedding gifts, bridesmaids dresses, shoes, alterations, and, to the best of my ability, been happy and excited for them.

My question is this….

A close cousin to the groom got engaged to his short-term gf immediately after one of the siblings’ weddings. After a few jokes were made about actually taking our wedding date, she chose to have her wedding the weekend before.

The cousin spoke to my in-laws asking them if we minded (they said that it sounded like an inconsiderate idea), and then the cousin called us. Their reasons were that the bride wants a fall wedding, doesn’t want to be associated with Halloween, and wants to go to home football games. We politely asked them to chose any other date.

A month later the cousin called again asking if we minded. More forcefully, we urged him not to pick the date. The cousin knows he’s stepping on toes, but when he tells the bride she “cries as if I told her her dog died.” I’d like to talk directly to the bride, but she won’t call us back.

Am I being a bridezilla? What would you do in this situation?

Thanks,
Tired of his family

*****

You said your piece. Now you have to STFU.

Betcha the bride will cry even harder when family members who received your save-the-date first decline the invitation to her wedding.

(Photo by Emma Summerton for W Magazine via Fashion Gone Rogue.)